baby rejecting mom after going back to work

At 12 mos the situation was improved. Stroke baby, talk to baby. what can i do to make it better? His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. He cant even get close to here with a crying. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. It might be worth trying too. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. But its like the opposite of your problem. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. You can read more about baby development at different months here. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . You sound like a fabulous mom. I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. paid fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java; tu exam center 2078 notice. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? I have 18mo old twins. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. I do each and every work for her. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. So I came online, and read this entire thread. Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. Im the mother who wrote nearly a year ago that my baby boy didnt seem to love me, I posted later that things seemed to be improving and now, at 18 months, I feel absolutely loved by my son. Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. Before we know it they are even out of the house. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. this time we were alone in the room. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. . The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. 6. People do crazy things in separations. I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. thanks again! Plan pumping while at work. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. So a temporary solution is essential. Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. I really am. Pls help. Sigh. Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. I feel left out. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. It is hard. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. I do everything to. Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. Laura, youre not silly, youre human! However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. Take heart, dear parents. I feel like a bad mom. Or that babies dont do that. Im so glad I found this post! i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. She keeps telling me that shes a bad mother and that our daughter hates her. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. The earlier you start looking, the better. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. Toddler Milestones. This has been for pretty much his whole life. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! You are obviously there for your son. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. Hang in there! Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. she enjoys talking to him on a phone. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. My point is this this WILL pass. I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. Mine is something similar. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. Good luck and let us know how things develop! Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Give your baby extra cuddles, touches, and comfort. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. My daughter just turned one. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). If you can work part-time, do so. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. or something similar. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. 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